My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
