i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
