Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
