and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
