I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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