Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
