She is in my trunk
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
