Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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