I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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