Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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