We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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