the condom got lost in my hair
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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