you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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