Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
