got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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