I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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