It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
