names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
