Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
