Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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