Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
