If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
