yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
