We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize