I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
