I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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