I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
