my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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