need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need help removing her.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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