Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
