Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
