you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
