We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize