We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
