Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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