Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
