just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dick has a subreddit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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