He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
