It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
