Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
