he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
