the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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