So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
