U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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