Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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