did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
