So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
