I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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