Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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