I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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