I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
