Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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