Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
