I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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