My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
