Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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