he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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