she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
