Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
