I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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