Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
