I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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