He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
