we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
