sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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