so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
