Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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