We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the liver wants what the liver wants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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