He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
