Porn is love you can see.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
