Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You ate ashes out of my bong
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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