don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
