2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
