Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
