im about as happy as oj after his trial
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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