he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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