Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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