fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
