if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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