I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
