You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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