Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
