I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize