If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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