Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
