You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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