i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
